December 26, 2004, is a day that will forever be part of me and my family. The earthquake off the coast of Sumatra, with a magnitude of 9.1, unleashed a tsunami with a force equal to 1,500 Hiroshima bombs. Over 220,000 people lost their lives. The tsunami that struck Southeast Asia changed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people within minutes. On Phi Phi Island, where we were, we were trapped. Our hotel, Phi Phi Island Cabana, became a gathering place for survivors and the injured—a place of despair but also of hope.
It was a journey through chaos and disaster—but also a testament to human strength, selflessness, survival, and hope.
Chaos on Phi Phi Island
We had just settled by the pool after breakfast. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and everything felt perfect—we were living our dream vacation. I was lying on a sun lounger while the children played in the nearby pool. In a matter of seconds, everything changed.
The ocean surged over Phi Phi Island, and safety turned to terror. The first wave hit the far side of the island, and moments later, it reached our side, trapping us between the pool and the sea. People who had been sunbathing moments before were now fighting for their lives. My husband and I were caught by the tsunami and thrown into the dark, water-filled basement beneath our hotel. I had no idea where our two children were or if they were even alive. Four family members—Anton, 11, and Axel, 8—all left to survive on their own, unaware of each other’s fate. Never had the fragility of life been so present—or the strength within us more evident.
Losing and Finding Myself
Realizing, after hours of uncertainty, that we had all miraculously survived was overwhelming beyond words. Yet, on the island, battered, terrified, and traumatized, I suffered panic attacks that left me unsteady. I tried to be the mother my two sons needed, but I felt I had failed, haunted by the guilt of not fulfilling my most important role during the crisis. That guilt, combined with the "survivor’s guilt" of living when so many did not, stayed with me long after the physical scars had faded. The emotional turmoil was a mix of the highest highs and the lowest lows—light and darkness at once.
Why I Wrote the Book
When we returned home, I felt an overwhelming need to put the inexplicable into words. That marked the beginning of my book, No. 204 is Going Home. Writing helped me process what we had been through and gave my children an explanation for why they didn’t recognize me on Phi Phi. The words also became a celebration of life.
My book is more than a survival story. It is a reminder that even in the darkest moments, we can find light. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to never give up, no matter the challenges they face.
No. 204 is Going Home is a journey through tragedy and trauma, but also a testament to human strength, love, and hope—and the importance of forgiving yourself.
Reflecting 20 Years Later
Yesterday, I watched the documentary Tsunami: Race Against Time and was transported back to that day. The images, the faces, the chaos—it all looked exactly as I remember. It’s strange how 20 years can feel both near and distant at the same time.
Throughout December, I will share more blog posts about the tsunami—what it was like, what happened afterward, my search for the hero that saved my life, and the path to recovery. I hope you’ll join me on this journey.
Want to Know More?
If you’d like to read my full story and understand what inspired me to write the book, you can buy No. 204 is Going Home here: https://www.amazon.com/No-204-going-home-motherhood-ebook/dp/B08PFZFPXN?ref_=ast_author_dp&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.z_C3aEzVa4Rgmbe842s7CbjUbls3n2oRE7XEHgJ8a0nGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.oDvoJfbwCu8ALCq3ihpewiQCvMxE0wkhQN5ZlmVM7sw&dib_tag=AUTHOR
I hope it offers you insight, inspiration, and perhaps comfort, no matter what challenges you have faced or are facing.
Share Your Memories
Do you have your own experiences from the tsunami or questions about the book? Feel free to comment below and share your story.
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